Why Do Most People Stop Being Nice After Age 10?

Being nice. Is it really worth it? Why do most people stop being nice after age 10?
being nice

Once upon a time you used to share your food with your friends. Do you remember that? You were probably 5 or 6 in the playground, and you used to say, “Here! you can have that!”. Children don’t really have the concept of “mine” and “yours”. There is no separation for children.

Everything is one

As we grow up we become very possessive of our things.

Many people growing up ask themselves whether it’s worth being nice and generous to other people. They think it’s hard to find honest people these days, and being nice will only get them hurt.

There is a great story about two monks, who are washing their bowls in the river and a scorpion is drowning. One of the monks notices it, he scoops up the scorpion and gently lays it on the bank, but in the process he gets stung.

The next day the two monks go back to wash their bowls in the river and the same monk finds another scorpion struggling with the water. He decides to save it, but in the process he gets stung again.

So the monk next to him says, “Friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know its nature is to sting?”. And the other monk replies, “Because it is my nature to save it”.

That’s a powerful story which teaches you always have to be authentic. It’s not about being super nice or super miserable, it’s about being authentic to yourself.

Many of us feel that other people treat us very badly. By having this thought we end up copying their behavior. In essence we end up becoming their clone.

Related: How To Stop Negative Thoughts

The secret is to never change who you are just to make other people feel comfortable, because if you do, you fall into people pleasing. Ask yourself if you are really being nice or if you are just trying to get something in return. Is your kindness coming from an authentic place?

What happens when you are around miserable people? You feel bad. You almost feel like it’s your responsibility. You also feel it is really dangerous to show who you really are, to be open, to be caring and to share yourself.

Once again you become a vibrational match to the very thing you oppose.

Growing up you start up as very free and very open, but going through life you get hurt by certain situations and experiences and so you put up a shield to protect yourself. Growing up you tell yourself that in order to make it life you have to struggle, you have to go through the fire. That’s wrong.

Being nice and authentic is about being vulnerable and not being weak.

When you want to speak your truth to the world, you may end up offending some people. Does this makes you a bad person? No, but you are remaining true to who you are.

You have to brave. You have to be bold to speak your truth and eventually you will connect with people who appreciate you for who you are.

The whole point is not about being nice. Contrary to popular belief, being nice is about being authentic and not being always very positive.

Being authentic is the equilibrium that keeps you grounded

Live in the now. Don’t let your past experiences affect your present decisions. See the world with new eyes every single day. Nobody knows what’s going to happen in the next second.

Lastly, treating people with compassion and respect can take you a long way because you connect to their heart. Therefore, it allows you to connect to your authenticity.

It is worth being nice, but at the same time don’t feel your nature is someone else’s. Be who you are, authentically, and allow people the freedom to experience their own reality.

Can’t we all just get along?

About the Author

Matteo Trovato writes about positive ideas for living a happier life and becoming your greatest version. You can connect with him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

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